Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Boyfriend and Dad?

I had intended to write about sex this morning since, after all, this is a sex blog. But something happened this morning and I think I want to let my thoughts drift along another line. I promise though – next entry, sex.

It is a beautiful Florida morning. The sky is a deep blue. The sun is bright. I thought about playing hooky and driving to the beach. Instead, I came into the office this morning feeling bright and bouncy to be greeted by Penny who was pretty much being the exact opposite. I have known Penny for more than eleven years, since her daughter Tiff was five and Tiff is now sixteen. I really should have driven to the beach instead. Penny was angry with her daughter Tiff. Tiff is a brilliant gorgeous girl who makes extremely stupid decisions whenever it comes to her boyfriend Jamie. It does not really matter what Tiff did this time, just take it that is was stupid . . . again. Then Penny went into how Carl, her husband, yells at her and blames her for Tiff's behaviors with Jamie. I did a dumb thing then and I should have known better – I said something when I should have just kept listening. I really really should have just kept driving to the beach. I could have bought a bikini there and spent the day under the sun. But no, I had to be responsible. And that is probably why I opened my big mouth to Penny as well. I said that Carl maybe needed to stop blaming Penny and maybe needed to start looking more at himself. Tiff's boyfriend sounded like the mirror image of Carl, I said. Maybe if he treated Tiff better, she would not be dating a loser. Penny busted my chops saying that Carl and Jamie “LOOKED” nothing alike. Hm, I thought. Carl is an unemployed pothead and alcoholic who is always telling Tiff how bad she is. Jamie quit school to sit home all day smoking pot and drinking and is incredibly jealous and critical of anyone Tiff speaks to when he is not around. They may not “look” alike, but they damned sure act alike. Then I remembered Penny's father who often comes into our office. He is amazingly sweet to everyone; everyone but Penny. I have heard him call her fat (she's gorgeous!!!!) and stupid and a hundred other nasty things. All she is back is sweet and calls him “Daddy”. And yes, he is an alcoholic as well. Pattern?

What about me? How much is my relationship like mom and dad's? Dad would do anything in the world for me. And he is Uber-dad at being protective. Once, years ago, pre-boyfriend, he called me while I was out on a date. I do not know what I said or did, but he thought I might be in trouble. He made mom get ready to eat out then he drove over to the restaurant my date and I were at. I knew something was up so went to sit with him a moment to talk. He said he was “worried” about me and needed to know I was safe. I felt so warm and fuzzy inside that the date even got laid that night (the next morning too if I remember right).

Protective – yes. Affectionate – no. Of course, it was not just dad who was not affectionate. The two of them, mom and dad, never hugged or kissed that I ever saw. Not each other. Not me. I used to joke, but I was really being serious, that mom does not have a clue when my birthday is. She once called, several days after my birthday, and left a message with the boyfriend to tell me happy birthday. I could not tell you the last birthday card or present I received from either of them. On Christmas, they usually go away so we have not done much family things around that time either. Truth is, I was pretty much raising myself by age ten. I got myself ready for school, fixed breakfast, and came home alone. Mom and dad worked late usually, but mom would fix dinner and I just needed to warm it up in the microwave. Mom had a harder time with affection than dad did. If I went to sit on dad's lap, he would cuddle me up and make me feel all safe and secure. If I went to sit beside mom, she would try to slide over to give me more room on the sofa. But dad, like the boyfriend, never once came up to hug me on his own. Even as a little girl, I initiated everything with even him.



  1. hmmm this gets weirder every time I read your posts. My parents were so similar to yours. They didn't work late, but the "affection" you mention is similar. My mother was quite cold. She would ground me just to spend time with me. And my father, when I was younger would just take the affection from me, rather than showing his own.

    They weren't that protective. My mother was much more protective than my father. When my parents split I went to live with my dad, he let me do what I wanted.

  2. Cande: Do you hear the Twilight Zone music playing too?

    Freaky similar and I thought I was the only one. But, was your mom jealous of your relationship with your dad. I noticed how she would get angry with him any time I was close to him (nothing innappropriate) so I started to back away in time because it just was not worth the conflict. I think that is maybe why I am so angry towards her anymore. I blame her for the distance with dad. But he could have said something too.

  3. dodedodo, dodedodo.. hah Twilight Zone.

    My mother was super jealous. Their divorce was imminent from when I was about 13, I think they were too busy being jealous in general, that I didn't get much attention from either of them.

    So my mother wouldn't have noticed if I had gotten closer to him.

    She ended up cheating on him. So go figure...

    You're right, your dad could have said something too. But we all know how complicated these things can be, I'm sure he didn't want any more conflict than you did ;)