It's been said by more than one boyfriend, girlfriend, casual friend, and even people I bump into on the street that I think way too damned much. The blog has been helpful - and the friends I have met through it - because I really didn't have anyone to listen to all my thinking. And especially not anyone to listen to the things running through my head of a more adult nature. Despite that, I started wondering if it would have been better to not have posted my thinking about Tree's possible virgin status.
No one has really commented anything to cause me to wonder. It's more me causing me to wonder. I have probably over-analyzed the comments posted here and in email. We won't get into all the reasons why I over-analyze and think things to death; Therapist has already well pointed all those reasons out to me. Debating things in my head allows me to avoid moving forward. I am not bothered by Tree's age which is younger than me. I am not bothered by the things that go w his being just barely into his twenties; living at home and having a limited checking account because he works a part-time job. Why then is my mind racing w debilitating questions on his possible virgin status and probably most of those questions have no real meaning.
So, what do I think are the real questions:
- Do I like Tree?
- If Tree is a virgin, does it really make a difference?
- Would I have slept w him the other night had I not been bleeding so heavily?
The answer to the second question is "I don't know". The answer to the first and third questions though are a loud "yes". So then, should Tree's being a virgin (if he is) really make a difference in whether I would sleep w him or not? I'm thinking not really, it doesn't. Had I not been so red on Valentine's Day, we would most likely have done it in his truck that night and this conversation would now be moot. Aside from not being pregnant, this might be the only other thing I've ever been grateful for because of my period. His truck was certainly not lacking for the passion and romance, but I would still like something w a bit more of an ambiance to it. If we make love then, I don't want it to be rushed, it should be special.
And maybe, at the risk of over-thinking this, I need Tree's first time to be special for me.
I feel pretty confident that he's going to make another move now. Last week, I would not have said that, but on Valentine's Day he tried to initiate things. I was pretty clear that I wanted too and would have if I was not bleeding so badly. I suspect Tree will be all male in remembering that I wanted him also - he probably circled the day my period ended on his calender (it was Saturday for anyone who's wondering). Since Tree is very likely to pursue things, then maybe we should talk.
I've not got a clue how to go about that talk.
So what if he is a virgin. We were all virgins once upon a time. Go with the follow
ReplyDeleteTell me again what date I should circle?
ReplyDeleteIf he's a virgin, then good for him if that's what he wants. If he wants to punch his V-card, good for you, punch it well and show him how much fun it can be.
But don't feel like you have to make it too special for him. It will be nice, take it slow, let him remember it, show him that's it's ok to touch and be touched, and that being wrapped in the arms of a beautiful woman can be one of life's greatest joys and deepest pleasures. :-)
And then try not to let him fall in love with you until you are ready.
You know what... I don't think it really matters. If he's a virgin, he knows he's a virgin, if he doesn't want something to happen in a certain way, he'll tell you. He's old enough to be able to make those decisions on his own. I don't think you need to ask him. Just let things take their course as would have happened had you not been on your period the night you guys met up.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure he wants to have sex with you. If he gets uncomfortable with you moving too fast I'm guessing he'll tell you. You guys seem to have a pretty good dialogue.
Now... for the 'you' part. You want it to be special for you. That makes perfect sense. And you want him to still feel in control. Do you guys have a place where you can have sex with a nice environment where you don't have to worry about parents around? Can you invite him in to your place? I seem to remember you're living back home too.
Maybe suggest going away to a nearby town/city for a night? have a day somewhere nice.... dunno, it's a bit much maybe. Or maybe a dinner picnic with a blanket and wine somewhere secluded.
The reason I suggest these is that they'll logically bring you to the sex conclusion without having to talk about it.
After all this babble I'm going to say this: You need to follow your instincts. If you think that you need to talk about it or if you feel that he wants to talk about it then you should. If things just naturally take their course, I wouldn't stop them to talk about it. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.
I just discovered your bog a couple days ago but when I read your last few posting I became interested and went to the beginning. I read about the first affair, eating dinner naked. BJ in the shower. I must say you are one terrific writer. These are some of the best stories I have read in a long time. Plan to check in daily. In the mean I'll be reading history.
ReplyDeleteAdvizor: Thank you. As always, you are a dear. I'm taking a short break from posting (emails and comments don't count) to just not think about things. It may not make any sense, but there are a lot of things I'm wanting to just not think about right now.
ReplyDeleteCande: My instincts get muddled when I have too much time to think. I was thinking some of the same things you said. It makes me feel better to hear them also coming from you. If I've never told you, I have always appreciated you. Thanks.
Southern: Welcome aboard. Thank you. You brought a smile to my face. I started the blog to think things through (funny now that I'm taking a short time-out to stop thinking). Listening to you, I realized an unintended additional benefit - its a way to hang onto special memories. Stick around and I hope I don't bore you.