Thursday, April 4, 2013

I Hate Funerals

I hate going to funerals.  Although I guess it would be weird if I looked forward to them.  I went w Daddy today to a funeral for a relative of his.  I guess of mine too, but I had never really met them.  And, despite having just been at his funeral, I really still don't know anything about him.  I think that's what I hate most about funerals.  Yes, they're sad.  They're supposed to be sad.  What I don't understand is why funerals almost never talk about the actual person.  Most are sermons.  A brief mention of the person's name who passed, their date of birth, the date they died, then a sermon like I'm sitting in church . . . except that there is an casket up front.  And today the preacher kept calling it a "celebration", only he never said anything about the actual person.  I went to a funeral once.  It was a procession of one person after another telling a memory about the man.  I liked that.   I remember another where the preacher had been at visitation the night before.  I remembered him talking to everyone about the lady who had died, listening to their stories.  The next day, he included many of them when he stood to speak.  I wanted my mom's to be so much more.  Instead, it was like today's and that bothers me now.
And then Daddy said something afterwards which bothers me too.  I was stupidly ranting about funerals, not unlike what I just did . . . minus the bit about mom.  He said not to even bother w his.  I said something like, "oh please, yours will be huge, w fireworks even".  And that's when he said it - "no one will come".  I thought he was joking at first, then realized he was serious.  He really believes that no one will come to his funeral.  I reminded him that he knew "like everyone".  "Yeah," he said, "I know everyone, but not really friends w any of them".  I tried to tell him that everyone called him for everything which just got the same type of response.  "Yeah, people call me when they need me".  I kind of realized this tied back in w the funeral today then.  Daddy loves his extended family.  His dad had died at a young age.  Daddy tried to bond w his father's family to be closer to his father that passed.  But they all kind of drifted into their own different clans.  No one really invited Daddy into theirs.  Daddy would get called when someone needed something, but then years might go by w/o his hearing from them.  It hurt his feelings.  After a while, he just stopped trying.  I'm not quite sure how this translated into having no one at his funeral, but it did.
I hate funerals.


  1. Aww that's so sad. When my mom passed away we didn't have a funeral. She didn't like churches but she did have quite a few good friends, everyone loved her, so they wanted to pay respects.

    Instead we organized a pot luck lunch at her house. We were lucky it was a beautiful day and we could sit out in the garden. I had some great friends help prepare lunch. I don't really remember much of that day but it was nice. People really liked it I think. I bought a book with some artistic pens that they could use to write something about her in it. I haven't read it. In fact I haven't seen it since it's back home... I should get it and read it I'd be curious to see what's there now.

    It's sad how people don't understand how much they are loved until they are gone. People are afraid of showing their appreciation of others until it's too late. Humans need to really work on that....

  2. It is sad that we don't appreciate those around us while they are still with us. Your dad should know, should be told, that he is loved and valued by many, even if he doesn't see them all the time. I'm sure he knows how much you love him, and that is very special.

    I wish we could all have our funerals a week before we die so we can see who shows up, who cries, and who is out playing golf so we can go haunt them later.

    you are a good daughter.

  3. When my dad passed we wanted it to be a celebration as well. We played a video that was made of old pictures. Kids, grandkids and so forth. Funny pictures of him dressed up for a costume party. Stories were told and there was a lot of laughter.
    My dad did not have a lot of so called friends. But he had helped a lot of people over the years. The funeral home and church was packed with people. Some drove from other states.