Saturday, December 1, 2012

Randi's Christmas Tree

I do not have children of my own.  Lately, I have been having fun doing things w Randi and her chldren.  Yesterday, she and I planned to leave work early and do some Christmas shopping together.  Her big project, she said, was to get a Christmas tree and apparently she was all about having me as slave labor to help.  I did not care - it sounded like fun.  I've only ever had artificial trees, so going out to find a real tree was something new for me.  When we were done w our shopping, Randi surprised me by pulling into a store to check out their trees. I had thought she was planning to go home and collect her children first.  She laughed and said having the kids along was like trying to heard kittens and she did not need to be carrying a big ole tree at the same time.  (Note: Randi is fairly small, so any size tree is big to her).  She may have been worried that I was dissappointed so she quickly added, "not to worry, there will be plenty to do w the kids and decorating the tree later".  And so, sans children, me and Randi began the hunt for the perfect tree.
I said a moment ago that pretty much any size tree would be tall to Randi.  But Randi wanted to look at the trees that towered over her by another whole Randi.  And besides just being tall, do you know what else trees that big are - they're heavy!
Randi and I struggled to stand some trees up and spin them around looking for "bare spots" (again, I'm used to artificial).  I started looking for someone working there hoping to ask for help please.  Randi told me not to waste my time.  She said "help" would be looking for us soon enough.  "On a good day, I'm at least cute . . . . and you're fucking hot . . . finding men to help us won't be a problem".  We laughed and I kept looking for someone.  But she was right because, before we stopped laughing, someone appeared.
Tree Man looked to be marginally legal age w long dark hair, beat up ball cap turned backwards, tight blue jeans covered in tree sap, and gloves w the finger cut out. While he looked nothing like him, Tree Man reminded me of a young Brad Pitt.  Randi flirted w him mercilessly.  He was holding his own though and went right back at her.  I was pretty sure he knew it was all in fun though.  Randi did apologize for monopolizing his time and asked if he needed to help someone else for a while instead.  He smiled and said it was fine.  He pointed to some others helping him in the tent.  Then he whispered to us that longer we laughed and talked w him, the more of a God he was going to be when we left.  Randi apparently took that as a sign for her to elevate his status to legendary . . . and, of course, she made certain I was her partner in crime.  Again, it was really all mostly harmless and pretty tame.  Nothing was ever said or done that couldn't be seen on the Disney Channel.  He helped us pick out a tree and loaded it into our truck (Randi borrowed a truck from a friend for the day).  Randi made it a point to give him a full body hug in view of all his co-workers, then she slipped him a tip.  As we were pulling onto the highway, she said she included my phone number in w his tip
 I thought she was joking.  How could I be so nieve?
We got the tree to her place.  She said it probably needed to soak overnight in water before we decorated it and we made plans to do just that today.  I planned to go home and wrap gifts for a while, but probably really just veg in front of the tv.  Randi and I talked about maybe hooking up again later.  But first, she had to return the truck . . . and apparently she needed to 'pay' for having it for the day (I gather this was a long running joke between her and the boyfriend from whom she borrows the truck).
Driving home, I got a text . . . and not from Randi. 

1 comment:

  1. Did you get a text from Tree Guy? Hmmmm, maybe (well, i thought of a really bad Christmas Balls, Candy Cane, and Tree Topper joke, but I'll spare you.)

    I love the smell of real trees and even going out to buy them is fun, but nobody comes over to help a guy who brings his own twine, box cutters and gloves. :-)