Harley Returns

I am my own worst enemy.

 

Harley texted out of the blue this past week.  Nothing special.  His standard "hey there".  It had been a pretty crummy week, Harley's text came at the right moment to boost my spirits, and so I texted right back.  I went w the equally eloquent "hey".

 

Fortunately, we soon moved past our initial mutual guardedness and proceeded to blow up each other's phone.  All he would say was that he had been thinking about me - not what caused him to start thinking about me or what he had been thinking or anything - in other words it was probably mostly just a line.  I didn't care.  I ranted about everything f'ing wrong in my world. 

 

He's continued to text through the week.  No hints about wanting to see me or anything.  But the texts are beginning to get more flirty.  I figure its either a matter of time or he's positioning me to make an overture.

 

When enough time passes, I do okay at getting through most days w/o thinking about him.  As long as I haven't been drinking, then I can usually resist the urges to reach out to him.  But when he reaches out to me again, I just don't have it in me to not respond. 

 

And its always so complicated when I do respond.  Don't be too guarded, but don't be too aggressive.  Don't be too critical, but don't pretend like its completely okay he fell off the face of the earth again.  Don't sound like your schedule is packed full, but don't sound like you've just been sitting and waiting on his call either.  Like now, he's probably positioning me to suggest we go out some night soon, but I've learned that he almost never goes when I make the suggestion first.  When anything else gets this complicated I walk away.  But I can't w Harley.  At the end of this complicated dance, is happiness because we're together . . . .

 

. . . until he goes away again.

A while back, a very dear friend suggested a video about me and Harley's dysfunctional complicated dance (YouTube: The Friend Zone).  I went back today and watched it again several times.