I Broke Up W Tree

I broke up w Tree.  I walked up on him getting a blowjob from an ex and that tends to be a relationship buzzkill for me.  I suppose that's when I also started to spiral down.  To be fair, I had already been feeling a bit down.  And work had been extra-stressful (when is it not!), so I had been more tired lately.  All in all, I was not being a real fun girlfriend.  Still, I was a long ways from being a boring or neglectful girlfriend too.  I had decided one evening, in an out of the blue sort of way, to surprise Tree when he got off work.  I stopped to get him a milkshake (he loves milkshakes). My thought process was to tell him to suck on that while I sucked on him.  As I always am to pretty much everything, I was running late so I was worried he might be gone when I got there.  I didn't want to call him because I wanted it to be a surprise.  I pull in and see that his truck is still there and he's actually sitting in it.  Joy!!  In my mind, I had timed it just right.  I go bounding up to his window.  It wasn't until I jumped on his side rail step bars that I could actually see into the truck - and see her brown hair bobbing up and down on his dick. I went from excited to devastated in a single heartbeat.  I just left.  No drama.  Tree made no effort to get out of his truck to talk w me and I am actually glad that he didn't.  He did text me later that evening saying, "I'm sorry".  And that's how we ended.

I say my downward spiral started around then.  I do not blame Tree for it though.  There other things going on too.  Yes, I was a little hurt and a little angry w him, but nothing that had me sticking pins in a voodoo doll.  If he had needed a blowjob or attention, all he had to do was say something to me.  As for the other woman, I had only seen her face for a moment, but I knew her to be his ex-girlfriend.  And I had long suspected he had never gotten over her.  Later, I heard from someone else that she had only just broken up w her boyfriend and she had also come to see Tree in an out of the blue sort of way (apparently she and I thought alike).  I was more mad at myself at falling for a guy who was still hung up on someone else. 

I actually do a pretty good job of beating myself up for things that happen.  Therapist say . . . well, he says a lot of things about that and over time maybe I will stop doing it so much.