I'm dating a pirate.
Remember "The Date". Well, it turns out he's busy preparing for another career (laughing). This is how our texts went:

"I hate people"
"Um Sweetie, you're in a people profession".
"People suck"
"LOL, poor baby, I'm sorry".
"I'm gonna become a pirate".
"Laughing still, why a pirate".
"When people piss me off, I can just make them walk the plank".
"Mean pirate", I texted back laughing.
The next day, I text him again to ask how is day is going.
"Work sucks"
"Well, that is why they call it WORK and not PLAY"
"And that's why I'm gonna be a pirate. Work be play".

"Sure, how long are we staying?"
"I'm not coming back".
"How we going to live? This girl's got to eat".
"I told you - I'm gonna be a pirate".
"You just want to plunder and pillage and ravish the wenches".
"Tis a pirate's life fer me!!!"
Hmm, if I'm dating a pirate - does that mean I'm a wench? Laughing.